How to Grow in College, Grad School and Beyond: Connecting With Students Different From You

By Danni White on October 27, 2016

This article is brought to you by Kaplan, the leader in test prep for over 90 standardized tests, including the GRE, GMAT, LSAT, and MCAT.

John F. Kennedy once said, “Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought.”

This bit of truth goes for social relationships too. We are more likely to connect with people who are just like us than with those who are different from us. This makes for an enjoyable time no doubt, but not always for a challenging one.

Ever since I can remember, I loved to meet new people. Never being the shy one in my family, I’ve always found it exciting to meet people of different cultural backgrounds. I enjoy the camaraderie that different ethnicities and viewpoints bring to the table. Over the years, I have been privileged to connect with people at many different ages and stages of life.

Image via Pexels

As a child, I usually hung around adults a lot (some of them still think I know too much) and as a teenager and young adult, I’ve spent more time with children and the elderly. I engaged and communicated with students who have learning disabilities and physical handicaps as well as adults who have struggled with substance abuse, trust issues and discrimination. I have been in business meetings and in homeless shelters. And I’ve attempted to speak Spanish, Italian, German, and Chinese at one point or another in my life.

People are what make up the universe and in a strange sort of way, especially in the age of artificial intelligence, robots and such simple emotions won’t due. The social connectedness that we can feel now with one another would be lost. Deep down, I’ve learned that almost all people want some of the same things in life which is why we can even connect to begin with.

All people want freedom. All people want to feel like they belong. All people want to be safe and for their family and friends to be protected. All people grieve loss in some way, just not in the same way as others. All people want to express themselves and work and worship according to their beliefs. All people have values however oddly they are defined.

This sameness is what makes us unique and individualized while at the same time is what helps us to develop common ground upon which we can understand each other and grow together. Learning to connect with students of different ages and backgrounds will help you in college, grad school and beyond. Here are a few ways.

1. Be respectful of differences.

We live in a diverse society. And it can be a curse or a blessing. You know how when you’re younger, in elementary school, and you were taught to love all people, respect all people, and get along with your classmates no matter who they are? Well, a lot of that is gradually lost in modern society. Tolerance is merely an idea and rarely a practice.

The first step to connect with students who are different from you is to learn to be respectful of who they are and to appreciate their differences. Like kindness, this goes a long way in building diverse relationships.

2. Be willing to be a friend.

When you walk into a new classroom on the first day of freshman orientation and you don’t know anyone, for most people, we tend to stay along the wall and not rock the boat. Why? Because we’re uncomfortable meeting new people. All these ideas are running through our head: Will she like me? Will I like him? Will I get along with these people? And so on and so forth.

No two people are the same in any way. But you can overcome shyness and social stagnation by being willing to be a friend to someone who is different. Share your stories. Celebrate your cultures. Ultimately, learn and grow together.

3. Be understanding, compassionate and empathetic.

If you think you’re hearing the word “empathy” more times than you care to count, you’re probably right. Empathy is not just a virtue but a major point of science. It is also much bigger than expanding the borders of our universe. It’s a habit that we cultivate. Understanding, compassion, and empathy work in lock step with each other.

When connecting with people from different backgrounds and cultures, be willing to step into the other person’s shoes. Try to genuinely understand their feelings and perspectives. The idea that we are self-focused creatures is being challenged by the idea that we are wired for connection with other human beings. And we are.

4. Be ready to help them in their way.

This requires that we become radical listeners. Radical listening means we deeply hear what the other person is saying, not just with their words but also with their hearts. And we can only help someone when we know they need help and we are open to them telling us how to help them.

For example, a student speaking English as a second language may need assistance in an English composition class. The best way to help him is to let him tell you what he knows and what he needs help learning and then let him guide the process of assistance. When you’re willing to help the way they want you to, you build trust.

5. Be open.

Be open minded. Be open willed. Be open hearted. Connecting with diverse students helps us to realize that people are different and that no two ways are the same. As we grow older and work in the real world, we will have to be open to the ideas of other people. We will sometimes need to work in groups or on teams which requires a lot of tolerance and calmness in dealing with different co-workers and bosses.

Being open allows us to experience new ways of seeing the world and the people in it. While most of us are raised with a certain set of values and beliefs, we have to consciously be flexible and adaptive and consider new ideas when they present themselves.

6. Be eager to learn.

I think by far the biggest lesson I have learned from engaging with people of different backgrounds, ages, and belief systems throughout my life is that they will teach you. They will teach you how to let go and how to embrace change. They will force you to be vulnerable and admit to mistakes. They will help give you confidence, keep you honest, and fill you with strength.

People are energy — walking lessons that don’t easily go away. The more you learn to embrace the joys of diversity, the deeper social connections you’ll have and the more well-rounded you will be.

Learn more about Kaplan’s test prep options and start building the confidence you need for Test Day.

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